the beauty of doing hard things

As I look out the window I see two giant palm trees covering a perfectly blue sky, and I think to myself, “I can’t believe we’re actually here. We really did it.” We’ve been in Thailand for one week now, and oh what a journey it’s been to get here.

This big adventure trip of ours has been an idea in our minds for about a year now. & that idea changed into a step of faith as we had to do big, tangible things like quit jobs, buy plane tickets and pack up our house to have other people live there. Each step felt like its own little victory, both because of the excitement it brought, but even more so because it was just hard enough that I understand why people quit. Something this crazy can stay locked away in the idea stage for a long time, and there have been many times we’ve had to recommit that we’re all in.

because it’s hard.

In our one week living in Thailand we have already done incredible, unexpected things like surfing in the Andaman Sea and hiking through the Khao Sok jungle, and I can’t wait to share all the photos and stories that go along with those epic moments. But life isn’t just made up of epic moments. It never is, whether we’re living in Lincoln, Nebraska or Khao Lak, Thailand. There are always the dull, slow moments that go unrecorded, and also a lot of really hard moments in between. God has been teaching me a whole lot lately about the beauty of doing hard things.

Our pace now in Thailand feels about as opposite as it could compared to our time in Lincoln. For our final weeks at home, we were in a sprint. A sprint to see all our favorite people, while finishing all those final house projects, packing up (both for our trip, and for the new friends who would be moving into our house), and having it all done in time to celebrate my sister’s wedding the weekend before we flew out. Even though Scott was finished with his job, we often felt like a high five in the morning was all the time we had together before we both took off in different directions to tackle our pressing to-do lists. It was hard not to spend much time with the kids, or with each other, and we all felt the strain. But we knew the goal we were reaching for meant unlimited quality family time right around the corner, we just had to get there.

On our last Friday in Lincoln, on the way home from my final errand (a Target run, of course), our car broke down. That little problem we had put off fixing finally caught up with us, and on my three-mile drive home the back brakes seized. I prayed the whole way home, and as I slowly coasted my CR-V into the garage, I felt a strange peace knowing, “Ok, now it’s time.”

I probably should have panicked. Our one and only vehicle was now completely undriveable and we were supposed to be hitting the road just then to begin wedding festivities in Grand Island ninety miles west. But instead of freaking out, I felt like God had completely taken care of us. Our car hadn’t broken down a month ago, or a week ago, or on the interstate with my sister driving it back to Lincoln. It lasted until our very last errand to get Teagan some sparkly pink wedding shoes, and then made it home without needing to call a tow truck. In a strange way, it was like one last confirmation letting me know it was finally the right time for our family to go.

Goodbyes are hard, even when they’re just extended “see ya laters.” I felt all the feels as we said goodbye to our closest friends, who have been encouraging us and praying for us all along the way. We said goodbye to our family who we’ve celebrated deep joys and walked through the fire with, and have become so much closer through it all. We said goodbye to our house, in this scary, humbling, letting go of control sort of way that everything and everyone will be okay while we’re gone – believing there’s beauty and power in living together in community, that really has nothing to do with us being there.

When the day arrived that we pulled up to the Denver International Airport (in my sister’s van that she loaned us until she flew back from her honeymoon in Cancun), it finally hit me that we were really doing this. That idea turned plan was actually a reality, with two kids and three carry-on suitcases in tow. & as hard as all of the planning and packing and goodbyes were, it felt like the right kind of hard. Not the surprise, life knocks you off your feet kind, which we’ve all gone though at one point in time. This was the good hard, the kind where you know there’s something incredible on the other side, but it takes courage and determination and a bit of gumption to get there.

Well, we made it. & I’m here to say, it hasn’t been easy. Adventuring never is. But there has been so much good, in the new friendships and frisbee on the beach and talks about Jesus riding along the highway in the back of a truck bed. I think sometimes God shows off the best with the things we love most, and we have spent this past week constantly in awe of how good he is and how much he loves us.

even when we can’t speak thai. or know how to get around town. or we try to order mango sticky rice & get a flaming hot fireball salad instead. the good is still worth the hard.

All four of us in our family have some hard we’re working through right now, and it’s mostly selfish stuff. It’s the letting go of expectations and learning to communicate more clearly and not getting mad about how many snacks we have stuff. But man, I’ll take on all the hard if it means we’re changing to look just a little bit more like Jesus.