finding rhythm

When we set off on our big adventure in January, we weren’t sure exactly what we’d find. Even with bags packed and plane tickets in hand, there’s only so much you can plan for once you set sail to a new country and culture with littles in tow. It’s that element of unknown that makes some people love traveling so much, while others dread it. The past two months have been filled with incredible new people and unforgettable experiences. Our family has explored beautiful places and eaten all of the delicious foods. But more than anything else, the thing we’ve been discovering most is a whole new rhythm.

Finding balance is hard. It seems like something everyone is striving for, but always sits just out of reach. Because if you’re really investing your time into one thing, then you’re neglecting it from something else.  Scott and I have had a lot of conversations about this lately, and what that term really means to us. Maybe the trickiest part about balance is that it’s ever changing. What we needed as newlyweds is so unlike the needs of a newborn, and still so very different from where we sit now with a five and seven year old. I’m sure balance only continues to shift and change as the kids grow up, and our time will be spent focused on completely different things. So why work so hard on something now that feels unattainably abstract?

Back home, we had lost our sense of balance. We knew things were off, but sometimes there are seasons when the best you can do is just try to keep your head above water, even when you know you’re sinking. Scott was stressed, overworked and unhealthy, I was restless and lacking direction; both of us knew there was more God was calling us to step out in. That, mixed with other life experiences and a lot of prayer, led us into preparations for this trip. We needed to wipe away a lot of the unhealthiness that had woven its way into our family dynamics – from too much screen time to too much selfishness and entitlement and complacency. The problem with wiping a blank slate, though, is that it doesn’t really give you any of the answers you’re looking for. It’s blank. You can quit your job and your routine and all the things tied to you – but unless you intentionally paint a better picture, all that crud you carry around will just make its way back.

This weekend we took a little getaway to Khao Sok National Park. It is the oldest evergreen rainforest in the world, and less than two hours up the road from us. When I realized how fast the weeks were passing by and that our time in Thailand was coming to an end, I knew we needed to take a few uninterrupted days as a family to connect and explore. & it was magical.

Jonah & Teagan rode their first ferris wheel at a bustling night street market. We cruised on a wooden longtail boat across the breathtaking Cheow Lan Lake, over clear turquoise water and through towering limestone cliffs. We kayaked and hiked and river walked. We swam in our clothes after rope swinging off jungle edges. We played checkers and dominoes and ate homemade ice cream and drank real coffee (sorry, Nescafe). This weekend held some of the most wonderful memories I hope to remember and stories I can’t wait to retell. But please take note, there’s always more to the story than you see from the highlight reel.

We travel on a shoestring budget, which means when we don’t have our Thai friends with us to get local prices, we don’t book tours. & in Thailand that means putting a lot of the pieces together yourself, starting with a place to stay. We didn’t have one, and drove around the lake that first night as the sun set and hotels closed and we weren’t sure if we’d be sleeping in the back of our Nissan Hero. The next morning, we scrambled around the pier speaking bits of English until we figured out how to actually kayak in the middle of the lake (which is even more stressful with two little ones asking what we’re doing and if we can get a snack and if they can use the bathroom that costs 5 baht).

Then my kayak flipped, and my Canon camera took a dive into the lake (praise Jesus it still works, that’s its own story for another time). We ate overpriced food and they doubled the cost of our hotel when they realized we needed two beds. We hiked down a wrong turn and missed the big waterfall. And at dinner Saturday night while the kids ran around hammocks and fell off swings, Scott and I had a long, hard conversation about how we’re supposed to find balance in all of this.

Our schedule here has been pretty far from ordinary. Besides helping in the learning center every morning, each week has been different. We’ve helped lead a student retreat and taught after school English lessons. We’ve preached sermons and given testimonies. We’ve done yard work and fixed a friend’s roof and painted an entire prayer center. And we’ve said yes to all the activities and excursions our Thai friends have invited us on. We’re still learning how to do this well – investing in new relationships and a new culture and new service opportunities, without forgetting to take time for ourselves and our marriage and our family.

I’ve decided I’m less concerned about the daily balance of my life. Some days we spend hours on renovation projects while others we spend at the beach. Some mornings I wake up early to workout, other days I sleep in and eat dessert for breakfast. Some weekends are packed wall to wall with all the friends and all the commitments, while other weekends I sneak away with just my three favorite humans and we blaze our own trail. & all of these things are good. But any one of them left all by itself can create a pretty unhealthy lifestyle. & that realization is helping us find a new rhythm.

Rhythm is less about what my day looks like, and more about what my life looks like.

 I want the rhythms of my life to speak more about what I believe than the words I say. But what are they really saying? It takes a painfully close look to see all the ways I’m spending up my life – in my weeks, my days, my hours – and I’m still a long way off from where I want to be. But we’re all on a journey, & Thailand has been a really important part of mine.

Next week we’re packing our bags and flying to our new home away from home in Alexandria, South Africa. I’m taking a deep breath & praying for the heart and strength to finish our time in Thailand well (hashtag goodbyes are hard). & that as we travel on, we’ll continue to learn more about balance and rhythm and how to do this life well.